This is probably my most common complaint among baby boomers, but I am of the firm and unwavering opinion that the world would be better off without most reality TV.
At preferably Reality TV is a way of forcing a number of obviously vulnerable people into compromising situations and then splattering the audience at home with laughter at the various nervous breakdowns deliberately engineered by the producers. At its worst, it is an attempt to humanise Nigel Farage.
That’s why I turned to the new reality TV simulation from Nerial and Devolver Digital. The Crush House with cautious interest. Would being the producer of a 1999 reality sensation offer me a new perspective on a world I’ve always found seedy and dark? Not really, as it turns out.
The Crush House revolves around a simple premise: As a producer, you grab the camcorder and put together your own reality TV season without getting canceled. You select the cast, decorate the house with props, and start filming various conflicts and love stories.
A “season” runs from Monday to Friday, and to avoid being canceled, you need to please the different audiences that tune in on each day. For example, on Monday you might need to focus on filming the cast from a distance to satisfy the voyeuristic audience, while on Wednesday you might have lots of shots of people’s backsides.
As the game progresses, you’ll have to satisfy larger and more diverse audiences at the same time. Some audience members may want you to show them specific props, like paintings or plumbing. Others may want to see unusual filming techniques or arguments between actors.
There’s also a larger story about something disturbing going on behind the scenes at Crush House, which should make for an entertaining mystery for us to unravel. Unfortunately, all of this is undermined by the fact that the core of the game – running around a small house with a camera and watching idiots having idiotic conversations – is frustratingly boring. It’s like asking me to punch myself in the face before I can read the next chapter of my book.
For the first few seasons, it’s quite interesting to follow the cast and see how the different characters interact with each other. But it soon becomes clear that these are mindless, horrible people who spend most of their time arguing or fucking, seemingly without rhyme or reason. Things just seem happen in the house, and the best thing you can do is move your camera around until you capture something that interests the audience.
You’d hope the system would add a strategic layer to viewer satisfaction, but when you spend 30 seconds pointing the camera at a bathroom sink to keep plumbing fans from tuning out, you start to wonder if there are other ways to spend your time.
Even some of the more demanding viewers you assume introduce some more interesting elements, ultimately falls flat. Take the voyeuristic audience. These people are supposed to reward you for staying unseen and taking shots without the cast knowing you are there. What could have added a stealth twist, simply doesn’t work. More than once I have satisfied the voyeurs by inadvertently filming the actors through solid walls or by standing directly in front of them in full view.
There are some really nice ideas in The Crush Housebut ultimately it fails to tie any of it together in any meaningful way. Fans of dating sims will probably really enjoy the first few seasons of the game, but soon the overwhelming repetition sets in and you sink to new lows to satisfy an ever-shrinking audience of perverts. I guess it’s actually a lot more like reality TV than I thought it would be.
Pros: An entertaining central mystery
Cons: Terrible characters, repetitive gameplay
For fans of: Dating sims, reality TV
5/10: Average
The Crush House is now available on PC via Steam. The review code was provided by the publisher. A complete guide to GAMINGbible’s test results can be found here.
