A mother recently asked for advice on how to help her daughter who was anxious about starting third grade.
The mother said: “My daughter is now in third grade and she told me the other day that she is nervous about starting school because she is a weird kid, has no friends and doesn’t know why nobody likes her.”
She added: “I always told her to be herself and ask the other kids to be friends with her… but I’m socially awkward and scared of new people, as is my husband, so we’re not the best role models when it comes to making friends lol.
“I don’t know if there is anything I can or should do, but I am grateful for any suggestions and advice!!”
“We can’t control the school, but we can make sure they feel safe at home”
Other parents could understand the mother’s worries and gave advice.
First, one user recommended looking into hobbies and extracurricular programs where the daughter might be able to meet like-minded friends.
“Hi! Here’s a friendless mom with a lonely friendless little boy! I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Are there any hobbies she enjoys? How about clubs or after-school programs where she could meet other people she could get along with,” they wrote.
“And do more with her. We can’t control the situation at school, but we can make sure they feel safe, wanted and secure at home. You can be a best friend too :),” she continued.
“I was a strange child”
Others echoed this advice, saying that the more activities your children participate in, the more friends they are likely to make.
“I would recommend finding an extracurricular activity that interests them. Bonus points if it’s not school-related. I was one of the weird kids in school, but I’ve met similarly weird kids at gymnastics, art clubs, camps, etc.,” one said.
A self-proclaimed “weird kid” at school added, “Find something she enjoys and she will make friends. I was the weird kid at school, but I was in the band, played several card games, played soccer for several years, and read tons of books. I made a lot of friends through these activities. Eventually she will also figure out that everyone is weird, even the ‘cool’ kids.”
Then one mother told the OP that this age can be particularly difficult for children socially, and so she shouldn’t worry too much about whether this was a reflection of her child – or her – in particular.
“I think by about the second or third year, they move from being toddlers, where they’re just playing with physically present peers and not thinking about it, to an awareness that they need to form relationships on a deeper level.
“Suddenly you’re aware that you’re being watched and judged by the people around you. And cliques start to form, especially among girls. So some of it is just that transition and it’s pretty normal. There’s a lot of social confusion between year one and year six.”
Finally, a group member asked the mother to accept her “weird” child because he or she was unique.
“I LOVE the queer kids,” they wrote. “These are the kids who stand out because they don’t just go with the flow. They’re generally not followers. She may not be the leader today, but later in life she will stand out too, and with your guidance over the next five years she can get there confidently and embrace her queerness.”
