Rest in peace, summer bride. There’s a new buzzword/ethos on the rise on TikTok, and it’s basically the opposite of Charli xcx’s party girl persona. Now it’s all about being low key.
At least that’s what Jools Lebron, the content creator behind the catchphrase, claims, who gives her followers advice on how to appear “very reserved and very attentive” in different life situations.
How do you act modest, you ask? First, stay presentable at work. “I’m very modest, I’m very attentive,” Lebron says in a TikTok. “The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job. A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not modest.”
For a week, LeBron advised her 1.2 million followers how to be modest in various stressful situations, like traveling with family (show up “very early, very on time, very considerate, very modest”) at the airport or picking up an ID you left at the bar (don’t stay and drink, take your ID and leave – “very cute, very modest”). On the Las Vegas Strip, LeBron says, you can be modest by “showing a little chee chee, not too much.” Or at a drag show: “I don’t stand out, I make it about her.”
Would Emily Post approve? Probably not, but that’s the point. Lebron, who did not respond to a request for comment, uses the phrase satirically, poking fun at the portrayal of femininity. It also reads like a parody of Gen Z’s obsession with quiet luxury, the trend of flaunting wealth with a whisper rather than a shout. (Think Hailey Bieber in a modest but expensive tracksuit, lugging around a $20 Erewhon smoothie.)
In one clip, Lebron claims that you can remain modest even when you’re hungover at CVS. “Ladies, let’s be mindful while we’re at CVS. This is not the Met Gala,” she says. She encourages women not to “do too much” or dress up. Instead, show up like she did: with smeared foundation on their tops or Taco Bell refried beans in their hair.
Like all good TikTok moments, “demure” caught the attention of companies like CVS, Elf Cosmetics and Delta, brands that all came to Lebron’s comment section to endorse their PSAs. (“The art of ✨demure✨ traveling,” the Delta account commented on her TikTok about traveling with family.)
Other users have also jumped on the bandwagon, explaining how to be reserved when eating pizza (“The pizza is coming to me,” says one YouTuber, taking a small bite) or when getting engaged (“I didn’t make a big fuss,” says one woman, holding up her new diamond ring).
The definition of demure, of course, is “reserved, modest, shy.” Jess Zafarris, etymologist and author of Once Upon a Word: A Word-Origin Dictionary for Kids, says the Latin root for demure, ripemeans “ripe” or “mature”.
“It reminds me of the root of the word ‘precocious,’ ‘coquere,’ which means ‘precocious’ or ‘mature,’ and tends to describe children who are better behaved, more disciplined, and perform better within the confines of a class,” Zafarris said. “The word ‘demure’ is applied to women in the same way: a woman who behaves well, does not draw attention to herself, and is more reserved, composed, and serious.”
Zafarris also pointed out that in 15th and 16th century theological writings, the term “moral” is used to describe someone who is a hypocrite or “hides a darker version of himself.”
“I like how ‘humility’ is being used on TikTok now because users are kind of putting on this serious mask but making fun of it at the same time, so the meaning of the word is maintained as a kind of facade,” Zafarris added.
Restraint may be a far cry from the boisterous bacchanalia of summer, but fall is just around the corner. What could be more understated, mindful or modest than a comfortable cashmere sweater?
