My parents just celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary by taking us to see Come from Away at Playhouse Square. Maybe when we’re 50 we’ll all go to Newfoundland.Johnston family
CLEVELAND, Ohio – My kids want to go to a wedding.
As a child (a phrase that makes my 13-year-old snidely say “back then” out of the corner of his mouth), I went to a lot of weddings. As one of the oldest grandchildren, I was invited to aunts’ and uncles’ parties. I proudly wore corsages to hand out programs at ceremonies and bounced around on dance floors in community halls, making up dance routines with my cousins.
I love weddings.
I love the meals and the socializing, the getting ready and the excitement of the wedding dress. I love the flowers and the special details. I love the encouragement to dance, especially to my favorite song, “Footloose.”
But I haven’t been invited to a wedding in the last decade. My kids can’t remember their last wedding, since my daughter was 1 and my son was 3 (and spent most of the reception in the emergency room with periorbital cellulitis).
At 44, I seem to be in a wedding slump. I have two dozen cousins, but the younger ones are opting for smaller weddings when they get married. Our friends are mostly married. Our friends’ children are far too young to get married. And I don’t see many second marriages on the horizon.
People are getting married later.
In 1980, the average age at first marriage was 22 for brides and 25 for grooms. That’s almost exactly the same age as my parents when they got married in August 1977.
Today, the average age of a bride is 28 and her groom is 30.
They are still much younger than me.
While the children hope for a big family wedding, we enjoy the special occasions that exist.
Like my aunt’s 70th birthday party this month, which my cousin hosted at our grandparents’ former house. It was the first time I’d seen some of my 19 cousins in years. Maybe since my sister’s wedding?
“It felt more like a family reunion than a birthday party,” my daughter said.
And that was exactly what it was about.
We also threw a pool party for my mom’s 70th birthday this month and invited family friends I grew up with. We put together a playlist of old songs, decorated with flamingos, ordered cupcakes, and got props for a photo booth. Even a series of thunderstorms couldn’t dampen the mood.
We sang “Happy Birthday” and “Lang zal ze leven”, basically the Dutch version of “For she’s a jolly good fellow”, followed by three hip-hip-hurrahs!
(My mother is Dutch-Canadian and very funny.)
I thought about the family celebrations of my childhood, the Dutch relatives packing suitcases full of pennants and streamers to decorate my grandma and grandpa’s house, and the big receptions they threw for anniversaries. I thought about my New Year’s trip to the Netherlands, where the village replaced the big “Prettige Feestdagen” sign with one wishing everyone a happy carnival. And the Dutch tradition of celebrating the 12 1/2 wedding anniversary, as it is then halfway to the 25th.
“It runs in the family and in Brabant to celebrate life,” my mother’s cousin wrote in response to my question. “In the south of the Netherlands we love parties.”
Celebrations should not only bring joy into life, but also honor important events and help us process emotions.
Celebrations, whether birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or achievements, provide a small break from the daily grind to allow you to reflect on how far you’ve come and consider where you want to go next. They are a gift because they encourage you to celebrate your successes and appreciate the people in your life.
According to the Harvard Business Review, celebrations can also be good for business because they strengthen bonds between colleagues and motivate them to pursue larger goals.
Summer, with its long days and warm nights, is perfect for partying. But now that the new school year is starting, I’m planning to break up the daily grind of homework and sports practice with more partying.
At least they will anchor the moments in your memory.
(Fun fact: There’s a line of festive serveware called “Happy Everything!” by a designer named Laura Johnson. Not mine. But it makes me smile every time I see it.)
You don’t have to bake a cake or hire a band.
To celebrate success at work, getting an A on the big exam, or finally painting the room, you could raise a glass or send a card, break out the good china, or give a funny speech. At the very least, you could give a satisfying high five.
In a few weeks my husband and I will be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary. Maybe we’ll have a dance party in the kitchen.
We don’t need a wedding to take off our Sunday shoes.
Laura Johnston, content director of Cleveland.com, writes weekly about life in her 40s in the column “Our Best Life.” Subscribe to the newsletter to get the column delivered to your inbox Friday morning. Or find her on Instagram @ourbestlifecle.
On the dance floor with my cousins (and two friends) at my wedding in 2006.Johnston family
