This column originally appeared in 2021.
Dear Annie, My daughter, her father and I have always been very close. We spoke every day and told each other about our daily lives. She has three children. We paid for preschool for all of them, bought their clothes, and even bought a condo for them to live in while she studied law. She is our only living child; we were able to help her and were happy to do so.
She divorced her husband, who bled her dry financially by buying expensive new cars and expensive vacations.
We also helped by looking after the children, preparing meals frequently, and continuing to provide financial support.
She met a very nice, stable person with an up-and-coming career. Her career also went up. They are now a family with five children and a big house to take care of.
We now hear from her every two to three weeks, visits are rare – maybe once every three months. This separation has been a very painful time for us, especially for me.
I’m fine now and have made new friends. I wonder, though, if she had to distance herself from us in order to become independent, or if she almost abused us. What do you think? – A mother of an adult daughter
Dear mother of a grown daughter: Ideally, you raise your children to have a strong foundation. You give them good roots and then you give them wings so they can fly away on their own. It sounds like you’ve done a great job as a parent.
I don’t think your daughter is treating you badly. I think she is happy and enjoying her life, and that should be your goal too. Maybe you can go and visit her and your many grandchildren.
Sometimes when we go through a difficult time in life, even as adults, it is our parents who help us. Your daughter was going through a difficult time with her ex-husband and your support was so helpful in getting her back on her feet and finding a good husband and a happy life. Well done, mom.
Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].
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