Family has driven you mad. Ten-hour days at work have left you with nothing but bags under your eyes. You needed this vacation; a week or so to relax under the Tuscan sun, next to a sparkling sky-blue pool with nothing but a book in your hand. You finally settle down on a chaise longue with green cushions and open your copy of Andrew O’Hagan’s Caledonian Road. Quiet, calm bliss eludes you: Just as you’re about to exhale and relax, computer-generated robot noises fill the air. Bye-bye, quiet getaway, you’re basically in Vegas now.
Would you rather hear a financial expert shouting into a poolside phone or a pool DJ? While the former is just plain annoying, the latter is harder. Pools in party towns like Ibiza, Las Vegas and Miami are incomplete without one, and those who travel there have no reason to complain. But what about the hotels that lie in that grey area, like Mallorca, Paros or even Palm Beach? Do they join the party crowd? Or do they turn up their noses and accept that peace and quiet is the ultimate luxury?
“There’s nothing worse than being in a hotel and being forced to listen to music from a DJ that’s a little too loud while you’re just trying to read or chat with your partner,” says Chris Black, the author and co-host of the podcast How long has it been told Terms and Conditions. He avoids the loud DJs by staying at adults-only hotels like the Four Seasons or the Ritz Carlton. “In hotels like that, there’s never a DJ at the pool. This isn’t the Ace in Palm Springs, where you need a wristband to sit in a chair by the water. You have to avoid a certain type of hotel.”
At the Grand Hotel Son Net in Mallorca, Spain, which would probably fall into Black’s category of “adult-only hotels,” a poolside DJ is nowhere to be found. The property is located on a hill in the small village of Puigpunyent, an hour from the lively town of Deia and about 45 minutes from Palma’s party scene. Built as a family estate in the 17th century, the hotel maintains its air of historic aristocracy by keeping the location quiet and free from noisy crowds. It’s an example of the benefits of having a poolside DJ. Some visitors to the island may find it boring, but others call it a slice of heaven.
However, not all hotels are designed to be quiet. Some cater to people who enjoy sitting by the pool with some background noise. But according to some who are fixtures in the social scene, there’s a certain formula that makes it OK. “I hate blaring club music,” says Los Angeles-based artist and photographer Nadia Lee Cohen. Terms and Conditions. “But if it’s jazz or something soft, it’s fine.” New York gallery owner Hannah Traore agrees. Although she usually enjoys music by the pool, “she hates the kind of pool music they play… it’s very Ibiza.”
Down in Palm Beach, a grey area between classy and party vibes, Pamela Tick is the resident DJ at the popular Colony Hotel (have you ever stayed in Gwyneth Paltrow’s pink Goop mansion?). “Music is one of the many ways we connect with our guests,” says Sarah Wetenhall, president and co-owner of the Colony Hotel Terms and Conditions. “Music sets the tone, it paints a picture and it evokes emotions. Whether it’s bringing back fond memories, relaxing with a cocktail in a low-key setting or dancing until the sun comes up.” According to Wetenhall, the right playlist is one that enhances and makes experiences more enjoyable, and those visiting or staying at the pink hotel should expect music to be playing the entire time. “The Colony is more than a hotel, it’s a state of mind.”
And if it gets too loud, we can Terms and Conditions know that there is almost nothing that a well-placed $100 bill cannot solve.
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