Social anxiety is relatively common, with an estimated 12.1% of adults in the United States experiencing this disorder at some point in their lives.
When a teenager refrained from ordering food on her own due to social anxiety, her father stood firm and insisted that she do it herself. When she was unable to do so, the father refused to order on her behalf and they left the restaurant without eating.
The father asked Reddit user if it was wrong of him not to order for his daughter and “let her stay hungry.”
In his post, the father explained that his 15-year-old daughter suffers from social anxiety. She is attending therapy for this but is not taking any medication because, in his opinion, it is not necessary.
Recently, the counselor advised her to do low-risk tasks like ordering food on her own to combat her social anxiety. When the father was running errands with his daughter and asked the daughter if she could stop by Wendy’s, he saw it as the perfect opportunity for her to do so.
Since he doesn’t allow eating in the car, the father pulled into the Wendy’s parking lot and told his daughter to go inside and order while he found a table.
“She comes back a few minutes later and tells me she can’t order,” the father wrote. “She doesn’t want to talk to the cashier at the front of the store. I told her she had to order and we were leaving. She asked me to order and I told her no.”
“I also went over a script with her at the table, but she didn’t want to participate,” he added. “We sat there for about 10 minutes when I told her it was time to go.”
Instead of allowing his daughter to be afraid, the father stood firm and gave her the opportunity to overcome her fear. When she refused, he let the experience serve as a lesson.
The teenager and her mother were angry with her father and claimed that he had “let the girl starve”.
While many parents would probably have trouble resisting the urge to help their child order food, the father had a valid point in letting the teen fight this battle on her own. The bottom line is that she needs to learn to tolerate situations that make her uncomfortable—her father won’t always be there to step in.
She may be angry at her father for not wanting to help her in a moment of fear, but she will probably never forget this experience and it could give her the strength to overcome that fear next time.
Reddit users sympathized with the teen, as social anxiety can be a challenging experience and she had the courage to at least try to step out of her comfort zone. However, they also sympathized with the father’s persistence in encouraging her to order on her own.
“I’ve seen what happens when a child with anxiety who isn’t self-motivated to improve is given a parent’s ‘help’ and she looks like a 35 year old adult who can’t even do her own grocery shopping,” one person commented on the post. “She’s old enough to need to learn to do things herself and ordering fast food is an easy way for her to learn that if she doesn’t do it herself, it won’t get done.”
“Next time I would recommend you go with her,” suggested another person, among many others. “She still has to order herself, but you can be there as a support person. I suffer from social anxiety (and I’m autistic) and I also had a lot of trouble ordering food.”
People with social anxiety should actively try to desensitize themselves to the experiences that trigger their anxiety.
The teenager is lucky to have support from parents who take her fears seriously. Often, parents either support their children’s fears or don’t believe they have any at all. Both scenarios can make it much more difficult for the child to overcome their fears.
Even though the girl did not manage to order on her own this time, failures are our best teachers and her efforts were a step in the right direction.
Maybe her father can learn to be more patient and take small steps with her, even if that means he has to stand close to her when she orders food.
As long as her parents continue to support and encourage her, she will grow up with the confidence and ability to control her fears and not let them consume her.
However, the girl’s parents will not always be there to help her with simple tasks like ordering food, and at some point she will have to learn to speak for herself.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human issues, adventure and spirituality.
