ACROSS AMERICA – We expected some eye-rolling responses in our informal poll asking Patch readers about the strangest substitutes they’ve found when delivering their online grocery orders.
We weren’t prepared for this by Across America Patch reader Ginger. She ordered cereal and got a hammer and a sawblade instead.
We’re all making that face right now, aren’t we? You know the look: eyes narrowed, nose wrinkled, mouth open and head tilted to the side, no words, no words at all except “Huh?”
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And maybe these words from the “Sesame Street” jingle: “One of these things is so different from the other.”
Ginger was able to keep the hardware items for free. And the cereal order was paid for. Overall, Ginger is a satisfied customer. “I’m really grateful for that,” she said.
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Lockdowns due to the coronavirus pandemic forced grocery stores to make major changes. Within weeks, they pivoted their business models and relied on digital channels and third-party apps. One study showed that by March 2020, online grocery sales had increased by 233 percent compared to the previous year. Studies suggest that online grocery shopping is here to stay.
A Pennsylvania Patch reader reported under the hashtag #AccidentalFoodie that he “hit the jackpot when I got my order AND fancy balsamic vinegar, Yukon Gold potatoes, and expensive cheese.”
“Keep giving me expensive stuff I wouldn’t normally buy and I’m a customer for life,” said #AccidentalFoodie.
“I did tell the app that I received someone else’s order, but I was told to keep it,” the reader said, leaving a review of the unexpected food. “I still enjoy the balsamic vinegar. It’s top notch and I’ll find a way to buy it legally. Those potatoes were overrated (in my humble opinion). The cheese was excellent.”
Margie, who reads Evanston Patch and several other local Illinois Patch news sites in Chicago’s northern suburbs, said her online delivery service is correct “99 percent of the time.”
That 1 percent of the time when the order is wrong can be frustrating.
“I ordered four pieces of fresh salmon fillets (6 ounces) on special for $4.99 each,” Margie said. “I got four packages of vacuum packed smoked salmon (32 ounces) for $24.99 each.”
For Margie, this was an inedible mistake worth about $80.
“Sometimes mistakes at the store can work in your favor,” said Pete, a reader of the La Grange (Illinois) Patch. “I ordered a pound of salmon and got more than three — two really big pieces. Fine, but they charged me for it.”
Pete eventually got a refund for the extra salmon and “paid for a pound like I ordered.” The extra salmon went into the freezer.
Is a bar of soap the same as cookie spread?
This tasty mistake isn’t strange at all compared to what Pete got instead of three bars of Dial soap.
“I received three JARs of Biscoff cookie spread,” said Pete. “Weird substitute, but the Biscoff was pretty good and I used it as a substitute for peanut butter when I made peanut butter cookies. As a bonus, the three jars cost the same as the soap – pretty cheap.”
Across America Patch reader Arlene’s cat may have meowed and howled about it.
“I ordered canned cat food,” Arlene said. “I got pinto beans.”
Virginia Patch reader Heather also had a pet food-related facepalm moment. She found a can of beef stew-flavored dog food in her grocery bag.
“I don’t have a dog,” Heather said. “I ordered Dinty Moore Beef Stew. I never received notification of a replacement. But one is for humans, the other is for dogs. What’s not to understand about the difference between these products? My goodness.”
Heather said she only uses the grocery app when she’s too busy with work to go to the store. “Because of beef stew,” Heather said, but also noted that it’s difficult to get the exact brands she ordered.
“On the few occasions I’ve used it, I’ve noticed that they often don’t have the brand I’ve ordered in stock and instead use their own private labels, even though the website says ‘lots in stock,'” Heather said. “It feels like a loss leader.”
A “bad” deal
Dana, a Patch reader from Levittown, Pennsylvania, knows what it feels like to be disappointed when it comes to fulfillment. Honestly.
“During the great scavenger hunt for decent toilet paper in the early days of the pandemic, I ordered a large roll of Charmin through the Instacart app and thought I had found the elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,” Dana said. “The euphoria didn’t last, however, when I discovered a 36-roll pack of sandpaper-quality toilet paper in my delivery.
“The whole family was very upset about it (I just had to do it), but now we laugh about it,” Dana said. “Without hoarding because we know how that turned out, we keep a large supply of our favorite butt floss.”
Dee, who reads Royal Oak Patch and Ferndale Patch, both in Michigan, said she has sometimes received other people’s orders. “This shopper purchases more than one order and mixes up items while begging,” Dee said.
“Saves time, but is annoying overall”
Just as salmon products are not all the same, the same is true for green vegetables.
“I ordered a pound of green beans and got 10 pounds of a mix of snap peas and pea pods,” Dee said. “I gave a lot of it to the neighbors.”
Sharon, a reader of the Plymouth-Canton (Michigan) Patch, sticks with her favorite grocery store’s app and avoids those that allow shopping at multiple stores. Maybe that’s why Ginger turned to Hammer and Sawblade.
Before I switched, “instead of the fresh chicken breasts that were on offer, I got frozen animal-shaped chicken nuggets!” said Sharon.
Some other readers also reported mysterious meat substitutes.
Sandy, a reader of the Brick (New Jersey) Patch, said that online grocery shopping “saves time but is an overall nuisance.” The strangest substitution was “a horrible, over-salted piece of pre-cooked ham instead of a fresh sirloin chop.”
Patty, a reader of the Milford (Connecticut) Patch, ordered a corned beef brisket and got a roast pork, but said the service was good overall and she still uses it.
Robin, a reader from Bristol-Warren (Rhode Island) Patch and Seekonk-Swansea (Massachusetts) Patch, had her order include ketchup as a substitute for pasta sauce. Robin appreciates the convenience of using an app “when she’s not ordering groceries.”
Patch reader Paula ordered condolence cards. Instead, she received thank you cards. Patch reader Marie from Fairfax City, Virginia, found five bunches of bananas in her order, while Patch reader Kit from Crystal Lake-Cary, Illinois, found out when she ordered fruit that “they didn’t have any bananas at the grocery store.”
The online delivery service is “a gamble,” said Arlene, the reader who got pinto beans instead of cat food. “I don’t allow substitutions anymore.”
“I don’t miss the people”
Patch reader Ellen uses a major retailer’s grocery delivery app. She can customize her replacement preferences, from none to the best match.
“I usually click ‘don’t replace,'” Ellen said. “The only time I risk it is with an ice cream flavor, because for me, any ice cream is good. I’ve always let people pick the very best meat and fruit and have never had a problem.”
The quality of life will be increased enormously, said Ellen.
“I love grocery delivery… and haven’t been to a store in over a year,” she said. “No lines. No screaming kids with absent parents, no self-checkout. A personal shopper and delivery to your door.”
Bradley, a Patch reader from Rochester-Rochester Hills, Michigan, said his app tracks how many hours he has saved by shopping online.
“I know I save a lot of money, even with delivery fees and tips, because I don’t make impulse purchases of convenience foods with high markups,” he said. “My first job was bagging groceries. I know how tempting deals work and how valuable the display at the end of the counter is.”
“I don’t miss people running around with their shopping carts, the aisles full of conversations and screaming children on weekends when most of us can shop,” Bradley said. “Rude behavior everywhere and the way some people treat salespeople makes me lose hope in humanity.”
“This is a turning point”
Diane, a reader of the Southwest Minneapolis Patch, started monitoring her text messages more closely after receiving a bag of brown sugar as a substitute for sandwich cookies. “The store manager also shook her head and had the cookies delivered the same day,” Diane said.
The now widespread availability of online shopping and delivery services is making a huge difference in people’s lives, several readers said.
“This is a game changer—I love it!” said Mimi, a Patch reader from Newport News, Rhode Island, who once received radishes when she ordered turnips.
“From a business perspective, it’s smart for stores to offer this,” Mimi said. “It keeps employees engaged, provides valuable consumer behavior, information, reduces inventory loss and provides other benefits.”
“I am so grateful for this service,” said Diane, a reader of the Southwest Minneapolis Patch. “I live 400 miles from my 92-year-old mother, who is nearly blind. She lives alone and still runs her household. Every week she calls and brings me her grocery list, which I then order. The next day, within an hour, her groceries arrive and are delivered to her kitchen.”
Without this option,” Diane said, “she would have had to leave home years ago.”
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