Dear Eric: When my husband’s parents died, he and his brother Jim each inherited several million dollars. Jim’s daughter Carol always spent more than she earned, expecting a large inheritance. When Carol was left only $10,000 by her grandparents, she was angry but did not change her spending habits.
Five years later, Jim died unexpectedly. Jim had told Carol that she would receive his share of the family fortune, but when his will was read, we learned that he had spent most of his inheritance. Again, Carol received very little money.
Now Carol wants my husband to give her the “family money” as a monthly stipend and leave the majority of it to her when he dies. My husband plans to leave Carol a modest amount of money, with the majority going to me, with the understanding that the money will go to our charities after I die.
Carol has a well-paying job. She is years away from retirement and could pay off her debts if she wanted to. She is not lazy, but she loves the benefits of wealth and has believed since she was a child that she will one day inherit millions of dollars.
As my husband’s last living blood relative, he would like to have a cordial relationship with her. He is afraid that this will no longer be possible if he tells her the truth.
— Inherited obligation
Dear Inherited: If Carol is willing to end the relationship because of money, I wonder how much warmth is left to preserve.
To be honest, I feel a little sorry for her. She was raised with an expectation that her father did not fulfill. Carol was promised millions from Jim, but her only inheritance was his unhealthy relationship with money.
However, cleaning is not your husband’s responsibility.
Her husband should have an honest, possibly tough, conversation with her now. He may want to avoid conflict, but look at it this way: Carol still has the opportunity to adjust her spending and secure a financial future that doesn’t depend on windfalls.
But if she doesn’t find out about his plans until the will is read, it will only reinforce the false story she has believed all her life. And if your husband dies before you, that will put you in a terribly awkward position. Carol may not like the truth, but she can’t afford not to know it.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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